In India a child is not encouraged to be assertive—we are not allowed to express our true feelings, thoughts, etc. Learning to be assertive can help you grow as a person and feel more confident. But once you have acquired the skill of being assertive, you have to use it very judiciously, without hurting those who care for you.

When I introduced assertiveness in my soft skills module at the IBS, four years ago, I was amazed at the participation of the students. The class extended way beyond the scheduled one hour fifteen minutes. My colleagues told me afterwards that there were students lined up six deep outside the door, listening to what was being said!

But then why I was not really surprised? I was nudging 40 when I learnt about assertiveness—and believe me it was like an enlightenment of sorts! I learnt that through assertive behavior I could feel so much better about myself. Slowly and steadily my self-esteem rose and I felt that much stronger about what I could do. I developed an ability to express my feelings and thoughts without any guilt attached to them—a tough call for most Indian women who have through their childhood been taught that they need to repress their requirements and wait on everyone else (read `all the males')!

Most Indian homes, especially in rural and semi-urban mofussil towns, still bring up their kids in a traditional value system. A doctor wants his son/daughter to be a doctor, while an engineer feels that his son/daughter should be an engineer and nothing else. A very slow change in perceptions and attitudes is beginning to make waves, with parents willing to accept other jobs as equally professional. The moot question here is—is the child asked what he would like to do?

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