Being able to engage naturally, easily, respectfully, and constructively in the midst of a conflict is something we all can learn - and is something that can serve us all well, once learned. That we can then help others improve their own conflict competencies raises everyone's game, and makes conflict something far less daunting and distressing for everyone, as well.

For many, the mere thought of conflict triggers a deep, visceral, and automatic fight/flight reaction. But what is conflict? Why do people cope with conflict in such different ways and why do so many of those ways seem to only make things worse? Is it possible to become more competent with conflict, and if so, how? What if we could ENGAGE with conflict naturally, easily, respectfully, constructively? What if we could help others do the same? How would that improve your ability to get things done at work - and in life?

In the book, Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader: How You and Your Organization Can Manage Conflict Effectively, authors Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan define conflict as: "Any situation in which people have apparently incompatible goals, interests, principles, or feelings."

Based on that definition, conflict is inevitable; it cannot (and should not) be completely avoided. A better goal is to work on to reduce a conflict's HARMFUL effects (hurt feelings, anger, frustration, score-keeping, passive-aggressive - or openly aggressive - retaliation/retribution, etc.) and maximize its BENEFICIAL effects (better brainstorming, more creative/effective problem solving, deeper/more meaningful interactions, increased respect and regard for each other, a greater willingness to tackle more difficult challenges and opportunities, improved team camaraderie and success, etc.) - ideally, simultaneously.

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